Hi, friends! Have I got a deal for you!
I built this little car — the LaLo — 6 years ago, and it caught on, mostly through word-of-mouth recommendation. The LaLo had features none of our competitors had! You could decorate it any way you wanted — even start up a business of your own to sell customizations to other LaLo owners! You could use the Internet to listen to any kind of music you wanted. It could tell you how to find your friends so you could visit them, and how to find stores, art galleries, museums and parks, and other places to just play. It wasn’t the only car like it on the market, but there were fewer around then, so we here at Telling Motors did pretty well. Why, we even let you have one for free!
But, you know… nothing’s perfect. The more LaLos that are on the road at any time, they slower they all move. Only so many can fit into a parking lot. Sometimes they just up and crash into a wall, or drive right off the edge of the world! They have a lot of trouble crossing into the next county, too. Some people started to make jokes that “LaLo” was short for “Lag Loser”. Some other people figured out how to hijack them, or steal the custom decorations their owners had worked so hard on, or paid for.
Some other people, who don’t even own LaLos themselves, got upset about unlicensed drivers getting a LaLo and doing certain things with it they didn’t like very much. We fixed that problem: we made everyone who wanted to do those kinds of things go to a special place, and then made sure no unlicensed drivers could get in. (Never mind that our means of checking licenses only works for one country, and sometimes it doesn’t work at all… but hey, it’s still “in beta”!)
Six years later, the LaLo is still the same basic product we started selling and giving away. We’ve got more people on the road that we’ve ever had! Better yet, the “LaLoBucks” coupons they use for buying and selling customizations and paying rent for parking spaces are circulating in the billions! And we here at Telling Motors have big dreams. We’ve got designs to expand the LaLo into school buses, and shuttles to take people to business conferences! And we’re just about ready to roll out improvements to the entertainment you can get from outside your LaLo while driving it!
Yes, friends, it’s true — all those nagging little problems still exist: lagging, crashing, hijacks, theft. So do the nagging little LaLo owners who insist on reminding us of them. But, thanks to our buddy Hamlet Au, we have a brilliant idea! All we have to do is expand the number of LaLo owners by 100-fold! Think of it, friends… instead of tens of thousands of LaLo drivers out there on our roads at any time, there’ll be millions! Just imagine how your driving experience in a LaLo will improve!
And… Those problems? Well, once we get a million or two new drivers of the same old LaLo, we promise, cross-our-hearts-and-hope-to-die, to get right on them. Honest, folks! Would we lie to you? Of course not! Would we change the subject, redirect the discussion, and pretend we hadn’t heard the criticism?